Here you see all quotes from a specific category, ordered by time of last vote. Choose another if you like.
Quote | Pick-up line | You have a drinking problem when | Annoy people
| Quote | (Ranking) |
|---|---|
| Quote: To do is to be. -Descartes To be is to do. -Voltaire Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra |
(242 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It'll be a great conversation starter. |
(304 of 531) |
| Quote: Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. |
(107 of 531) |
| Quote: Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. |
(343 of 531) |
| Quote: Aren't you glad that bull-shit is biodegradable? |
(71 of 531) |
| Quote: I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car. |
(215 of 531) |
| Quote: Woman to man: "You're drunk!" Man: "And your're ugly. But at least I'll be sober in the morning." |
(210 of 531) |
| Quote: When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. |
(307 of 531) |
| Quote: Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. |
(39 of 531) |
| Quote: Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. |
(98 of 531) |
| Quote: Time wounds all heels. |
(201 of 531) |
| Quote: I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong. |
(463 of 531) |
| Quote: Either I'm hallucinating, or seeing things. |
(328 of 531) |
| Quote: If you see a heat wave, should you wave back? |
(344 of 531) |
| Quote: I told my girlfriend it wouldn't hurt if she shaved off a few pounds, starting with the hair on her back. But you know her, she's as stubborn as an ox, even though she's a mountain goat. |
(277 of 531) |
| Quote: I've used all my sick-days, so I'll call in dead today. |
(79 of 531) |
| Quote: There is still no cure for the common birthday. |
(336 of 531) |
| Quote: I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep. |
(282 of 531) |
| Quote: I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property". |
(108 of 531) |
| Quote: Work is the curse of the drinking class. |
(501 of 531) |
| Quote: I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob. |
(184 of 531) |
| Quote: A man who won't lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings. |
(273 of 531) |
| Quote: My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. |
(56 of 531) |
| Quote: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. |
(322 of 531) |
| Quote: Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
(67 of 531) |
| Quote: What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. |
(457 of 531) |
| Quote: A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. |
(456 of 531) |
| Quote: I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's. |
(140 of 531) |
| Quote: A computer is that electronic device you buy when you wanna watch porn. |
(495 of 531) |
| Quote: I used to think disabled people were here for my amusement. |
(403 of 531) |
| Quote: Why put off until tomorrow, what I know I'm not going to do at all anyway. |
(256 of 531) |
| Quote: Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme |
(360 of 531) |
| Quote: Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no? |
(300 of 531) |
| Quote: Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. |
(279 of 531) |
| Quote: Incest: a game the whole family can play. |
(323 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me. |
(476 of 531) |
| Quote: Are you any relation to your brother Marv? |
(381 of 531) |
| Quote: - When will Microsoft start making things that don't suck? - When they start making vacuum cleaners. |
(35 of 531) |
| Quote: Life in a vacuum sucks. |
(84 of 531) |
| Quote: Mondays are a waste of 1/7 of your life. |
(112 of 531) |
| Quote: May you live every day of your life. |
(415 of 531) |
| Quote: Politicians and diapers both need to be changed - and for the same reason! |
(216 of 531) |
| Quote: When the moon broke apart in the late 2050's, the climate of Earth was devastated. Mankind's birthworld could no longer sustain life, other than the well adapted creatures, such as cockroaches and lawyers. |
(455 of 531) |
| Quote: Don't argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. |
(117 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to write a poem about "Truth," "Honor," "Dignity," and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it. |
(447 of 531) |
| Quote: They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants. |
(244 of 531) |
| Quote: I hate hypothetical questions, maybe I am an over achiever but I always am dying to answer them. |
(522 of 531) |
| Quote: Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. |
(337 of 531) |
| Quote: Atheism is a non-prophet organization. |
(320 of 531) |
| Quote: You're unique. At least, that's what everybody hopes. |
(310 of 531) |
| Quote: I have a dog that's half pitbull, half poodle. Not much of a guard dog, but a viscious gossip. |
(389 of 531) |
| Quote: A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle. |
(198 of 531) |
| Quote: Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before. |
(54 of 531) |
| Quote: A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?" |
(252 of 531) |
| Quote: For me there are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats. |
(487 of 531) |
| Quote: When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. |
(356 of 531) |
| Quote: The internet is a great way to get on the net. |
(393 of 531) |
| Quote: Marriage is a great institution, as long as you don't mind living in one. |
(4 of 531) |
| Quote: I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. |
(383 of 531) |
| Quote: I had a vision from the Dalai Lama, he said that if I didn't kill 4 people there would be an earthquake. - Sheriff: "What earthquake?" - Exactly. |
(74 of 531) |
| Quote: A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off. |
(236 of 531) |
| Quote: I've told you a million times: don't exaggerate! |
(18 of 531) |
| Quote: Giving up smoking is easy... I've done it hundreds of times. |
(17 of 531) |
| Quote: The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. |
(143 of 531) |
| Quote: Every morning is the dawn of a new error. |
(133 of 531) |
| Quote: Why do we find "meaningless" in the dictionary? |
(145 of 531) |
| Quote: It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. |
(12 of 531) |
| Quote: First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. |
(179 of 531) |
| Quote: No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. |
(412 of 531) |
| Quote: Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing. |
(100 of 531) |
| Quote: Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" |
(22 of 531) |
| Quote: There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that. |
(78 of 531) |
| Quote: Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes! |
(31 of 531) |
| Quote: I invented the cordless extension cord. |
(177 of 531) |
| Quote: Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. |
(128 of 531) |
| Quote: Bad command or filename. Bad, bad command. Go stand in the corner. |
(173 of 531) |
| Quote: Argument is to find out who is right, discussion is to find out what is right. |
(527 of 531) |
| Quote: You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back. |
(30 of 531) |
| Quote: Connecting to server... You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You: hey Stranger: yo You: so You: u know how to factor trinomials? Stranger: fuck no Your conversational partner has disconnected. |
(528 of 531) |
| Quote: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? |
(16 of 531) |
| Quote: Written at a bathroom door: Some people come here to take a shit. I came to leave one. |
(95 of 531) |
| Quote: Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. |
(269 of 531) |
| Quote: I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. |
(258 of 531) |
| Quote: I had the cab driver drive me here backwards... the fucker owed me $27.50! |
(466 of 531) |
| Quote: Black holes suck! |
(413 of 531) |
| Quote: Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? |
(341 of 531) |
| Quote: A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. |
(110 of 531) |
| Quote: It's bad luck to be superstitious. |
(52 of 531) |
| Quote: Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. |
(157 of 531) |
| Quote: Friendship is like peeing on yourself... Everyone sees it but only you get the warm feeling. |
(342 of 531) |
| Quote: Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely. |
(271 of 531) |
| Quote: For Xmas I want Santa's list of naughty girls. |
(427 of 531) |
| Quote: "Did you ever get to thinking that maybe you are just an android, placed on Earth by an advanced civilization of huge radish-like aliens who are studying your every move?" "No." "Me neither." |
(312 of 531) |
| Quote: The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. |
(62 of 531) |
| Quote: My wife says I'm the boss. |
(368 of 531) |
| Quote: War doesn't decide who's right, only who's left. |
(135 of 531) |
| Quote: Do you come from your home town? |
(436 of 531) |
| Quote: I have a problem with low self-esteem, which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
(44 of 531) |
| Quote: The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. |
(168 of 531) |
| Quote: Time is fun when you're having flies. |
(446 of 531) |
| Quote: I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. |
(153 of 531) |
| Quote: My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. |
(41 of 531) |
| Quote: I called the hotel operator, she said "how can I direct your call?" Well, you could say "action!" And I will begin to dial. And then when I say goodbye, you could yell "cut!" |
(363 of 531) |
| Quote: Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't. |
(28 of 531) |
| Quote: I wish you were a beer. |
(433 of 531) |
| Quote: On a tombstone: "I told you I was sick!" |
(42 of 531) |
| Quote: Sign posted in a bathroom: "We aim to please! You aim too! Please!" |
(394 of 531) |
| Quote: He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm. |
(82 of 531) |
| Quote: Don't hit me - my lawyer's in jail. |
(212 of 531) |
| Quote: I want you to just sit there and think about how many decent and trustworthy people there are in the world, and while you're doing that, I'll be over here, kissing your girlfriend. - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian. |
(334 of 531) |
| Quote: Half the lies they tell about me aren't true. |
(278 of 531) |
| Quote: If you want someone to catch something, throw it at their nose. |
(399 of 531) |
| Quote: When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. |
(7 of 531) |
| Quote: He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. |
(254 of 531) |
| Quote: There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. |
(26 of 531) |
| Quote: There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. |
(51 of 531) |
| Quote: A good sportsman can never be a god sport. |
(523 of 531) |
| Quote: Why do we call them buildings when they're finished? Shouldn't they be called Builts? |
(226 of 531) |
| Quote: Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass. |
(209 of 531) |
| Quote: If you can't beat them...arrange to have them beaten. |
(61 of 531) |
| Quote: No pain, no pain. |
(364 of 531) |
| Quote: Your mum is so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost. |
(272 of 531) |
| Quote: The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him. |
(218 of 531) |
| Quote: Were you alone or by yourself? |
(361 of 531) |
| Quote: Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck. |
(459 of 531) |
| Quote: Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. |
(332 of 531) |
| Quote: Mutant brain-eating cyborgs are bad for business. |
(470 of 531) |
| Quote: It makes no difference whether you win or lose until you lose. |
(164 of 531) |
| Quote: I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. |
(49 of 531) |
| Quote: I think the hardest decision you have to make before you ever decide to move to outer space, is where to put the corner bookshelf. |
(385 of 531) |
| Quote: Who do you think is cuter? Me or my identical twin brother? |
(520 of 531) |
| Quote: "Television: A medium." So called because it's neither rare nor well done. |
(511 of 531) |
| Quote: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake. |
(261 of 531) |
| Quote: To err is human, to blame it on someone else is even more human. |
(221 of 531) |
| Quote: 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions. |
(144 of 531) |
| Quote: Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. |
(27 of 531) |
| Quote: I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans. |
(480 of 531) |
| Quote: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? |
(438 of 531) |
| Quote: When there's a will, I want to be in it. |
(75 of 531) |
| Quote: Death is hereditary. |
(182 of 531) |
| Quote: I like to skate on the other side of the ice. |
(504 of 531) |
| Quote: Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". |
(475 of 531) |
| Quote: If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. |
(87 of 531) |
| Quote: It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. |
(188 of 531) |
| Quote: The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, and the final 10% takes the other 90% of the time. |
(73 of 531) |
| Quote: Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. |
(29 of 531) |
| Quote: Automobile: A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people. |
(240 of 531) |
| Quote: What is the difference between apathy and ignorance? - I don't know and I don't care. |
(43 of 531) |
| Quote: The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. |
(170 of 531) |
| Quote: Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a stick. |
(231 of 531) |
| Quote: Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. |
(45 of 531) |
| Quote: If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. |
(125 of 531) |
| Quote: Bush is tired, you try working in Washington 24 hours a week, 7 days a month. |
(340 of 531) |
| Quote: Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray... |
(204 of 531) |
| Quote: Rehab is for quitters. |
(91 of 531) |
| Quote: I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. |
(69 of 531) |
| Quote: When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant. |
(443 of 531) |
| Quote: If we're all God's children, what makes Jesus so special? |
(486 of 531) |
| Quote: He who laughs last didn't get the joke. |
(24 of 531) |
| Quote: There are two typos of people in this world--those who can edit and those who can't. |
(479 of 531) |
| Quote: Liberals invent the future, conservatives re-invent the past. |
(521 of 531) |
| Quote: To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow. |
(318 of 531) |
| Quote: Jesus says to John come forth, I'll give you eternal life. John came fifth. he won a toaster. |
(32 of 531) |
| Quote: It's like deja vu all over again. |
(477 of 531) |
| Quote: I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words. |
(274 of 531) |
| Quote: A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. |
(321 of 531) |
| Quote: My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping. |
(489 of 531) |
| Quote: I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better. |
(230 of 531) |
| Quote: Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. |
(132 of 531) |
| Quote: Please don't confuse me with someone who gives a shit. |
(190 of 531) |
| Quote: It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility. |
(422 of 531) |
| Quote: To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad. |
(88 of 531) |
| Quote: And now - excuse me while I interrupt myself - ... |
(384 of 531) |
| Quote: Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" |
(48 of 531) |
| Quote: When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes." |
(283 of 531) |
| Quote: Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? |
(122 of 531) |
| Quote: The covers of this book are too far apart. |
(285 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals. |
(472 of 531) |
| Quote: Finish the project. We'll buy you a new family. |
(482 of 531) |
| Quote: Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? |
(166 of 531) |
| Quote: The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do. |
(311 of 531) |
| Quote: Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. |
(496 of 531) |
| Quote: My girlfiend said to me in bed last night: "you're a pervert". I said, "that's a big word for a girl of nine". |
(15 of 531) |
| Quote: There is no love sincerer than the love of food. |
(434 of 531) |
| Quote: Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. |
(102 of 531) |
| Quote: Patience will come to those who wait for it. |
(370 of 531) |
| Quote: Me, ambivalent? Well, yes and no. |
(345 of 531) |
| Quote: I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. |
(233 of 531) |
| Quote: I'm going to live life or die trying. |
(467 of 531) |
| Quote: A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way. |
(57 of 531) |
| Quote: It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. |
(222 of 531) |
| Quote: Remember those cuts and bruises when you learn to ride that bicycle? Why didn't you stop until you can make it? |
(530 of 531) |
| Quote: A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. |
(442 of 531) |
| Quote: Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence. |
(358 of 531) |
| Quote: If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all. |
(454 of 531) |
| Quote: Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway. |
(20 of 531) |
| Quote: Why is abbreviation such a long word? |
(147 of 531) |
| Quote: I'll kill you until you die!! |
(280 of 531) |
| Quote: My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. |
(19 of 531) |
| Quote: My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. |
(362 of 531) |
| Quote: Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. |
(297 of 531) |
| Quote: I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. |
(94 of 531) |
| Quote: My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend. |
(206 of 531) |
| Quote: If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave. |
(484 of 531) |
| Quote: Did ya hear? They took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary! |
(296 of 531) |
| Quote: I never said most of the things I said. |
(380 of 531) |
| Quote: According to my wife, I'm very happy. |
(333 of 531) |
| Quote: I was going to procrastinate. But I decided to leave it till later. |
(418 of 531) |
| Quote: I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. |
(109 of 531) |
| Quote: In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you. |
(124 of 531) |
| Quote: A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. |
(136 of 531) |
| Quote: I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug. |
(406 of 531) |
| Quote: A man went to a zoo. The only animal was a dog. It was a shitzu. |
(483 of 531) |
| Quote: You say psycho like it's a bad thing. |
(462 of 531) |
| Quote: Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! |
(512 of 531) |
| Quote: Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. |
(355 of 531) |
| Quote: I read part of it all the way through. |
(223 of 531) |
| Quote: If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! |
(60 of 531) |
| Quote: I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'. |
(237 of 531) |
| Quote: Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. |
(199 of 531) |
| Quote: When life gives you lemons, throw them at someone! |
(367 of 531) |
| Quote: Coffee just isn't my cup of tea. |
(196 of 531) |
| Quote: In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. |
(372 of 531) |
| Quote: Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. |
(411 of 531) |
| Quote: I like undressing women with my eyes, although I just can't quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids. |
(155 of 531) |
| Quote: My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster. |
(317 of 531) |
| Quote: Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day. |
(114 of 531) |
| Quote: Constipated people don't give a crap. |
(234 of 531) |
| Quote: I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, "At least he's not a complete boob." |
(423 of 531) |
| Quote: The sign said "This door to remain closed at all times". Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a door? |
(47 of 531) |
| Quote: I know violence isn't the answer. I got it wrong on purpose. |
(131 of 531) |
| Quote: A hard man is good to find. |
(245 of 531) |
| Quote: Why doesn't DOS ever say: "Excellent command or filename!" |
(248 of 531) |
| Quote: You DO have one advantage over me - YOU can kiss my ass and I can't! |
(68 of 531) |
| Quote: The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. |
(93 of 531) |
| Quote: My wife has to be the worst cook. We pray after dinner. |
(126 of 531) |
| Quote: As I said before, I never repeat myself. |
(141 of 531) |
| Quote: If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. |
(138 of 531) |
| Quote: Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. |
(97 of 531) |
| Quote: Save the whales, collect the whole set. |
(382 of 531) |
| Quote: If Wile E Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? |
(219 of 531) |
| Quote: Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I. |
(286 of 531) |
| Quote: For every human problem there is a solution which is simple, neat and wrong. |
(257 of 531) |
| Quote: Never judge a book by its movie. |
(266 of 531) |
| Quote: If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? |
(220 of 531) |
| Quote: Gonna buy 400 sheets of A4 and unleash my ORIGARMY! FLY YOU CRAZY SWANS FLY! |
(517 of 531) |
| Quote: My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. |
(123 of 531) |
| Quote: My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done. |
(247 of 531) |
| Quote: Prepare to be or not to be! |
(429 of 531) |
| Quote: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. |
(72 of 531) |
| Quote: If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I'll bet there'd be a lot more people trying to take pictures of them. |
(419 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables. |
(508 of 531) |
| Quote: I'm a deeply superficial person. |
(21 of 531) |
| Quote: Only those people who do the absurd achieve the impossoble, those who do their bosses get the promotion. |
(414 of 531) |
| Quote: My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ! |
(350 of 531) |
| Quote: When will my raise be effective? - The same time you are. |
(373 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world's most perfect haiku. |
(473 of 531) |
| Quote: Press any key to continu or any other key to quit. |
(268 of 531) |
| Quote: I got an ant farm... them fellas didn't grow shit! |
(313 of 531) |
| Quote: This one guy said "look at that girl's butt! She has a nice butt." I said "yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently." |
(10 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to write a story about a man with no eyelids who has a mental breakdown after a beautiful woman winked at him from across the bar, and he didn't know how to react. |
(309 of 531) |
| Quote: Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. |
(200 of 531) |
| Quote: To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex, with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive. |
(474 of 531) |
| Quote: A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. |
(243 of 531) |
| Quote: If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. |
(163 of 531) |
| Quote: Include me out! |
(365 of 531) |
| Quote: Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand. |
(119 of 531) |
| Quote: Sometimes I wake up Grumpy... Other times I let her sleep. |
(85 of 531) |
| Quote: I'm not deaf... I'm just ignoring you. |
(187 of 531) |
| Quote: The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please divide by 0 and try again. |
(405 of 531) |
| Quote: Never wear anything that panics the cat. |
(469 of 531) |
| Quote: I was only ever in love once, and it had the weirdest effect on me. It turned a childish idiotic moron like me, into an even more childish more idiotic moron. |
(376 of 531) |
| Quote: 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name. |
(416 of 531) |
| Quote: I wanna live 'til I die. No more, no less. |
(189 of 531) |
| Quote: Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener. |
(421 of 531) |
| Quote: When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. |
(105 of 531) |
| Quote: I consider conversations with people to be mind exercizes. But I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning. |
(40 of 531) |
| Quote: Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way. |
(260 of 531) |
| Quote: He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. |
(81 of 531) |
| Quote: Stupidity is a poor excuse for ignorance. |
(2 of 531) |
| Quote: The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. |
(371 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable. |
(275 of 531) |
| Quote: I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. |
(498 of 531) |
| Quote: Getting into a shouting match with a guy who owes you money is like being an albino who is holding a sundial--it's a quick way to get burned. |
(347 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral. |
(314 of 531) |
| Quote: Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. |
(409 of 531) |
| Quote: I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry. |
(392 of 531) |
| Quote: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. |
(400 of 531) |
| Quote: I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. |
(99 of 531) |
| Quote: A bus stops at a bus station; a train stops at a train station. On my desk I have a workstation. |
(167 of 531) |
| Quote: I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. |
(165 of 531) |
| Quote: Never have more children than you have car windows. |
(80 of 531) |
| Quote: I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her. |
(46 of 531) |
| Quote: I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one. |
(510 of 531) |
| Quote: Children in back seats cause accidents. Accidents in back seats cause children. |
(111 of 531) |
| Quote: I'd rather be rich than stupid. |
(319 of 531) |
| Quote: Exit to DOS... Come in DOS... Do you copy? |
(445 of 531) |
| Quote: When she told me I was average, she was just being mean. |
(150 of 531) |
| Quote: They say we use only 10% of our brain. Just think if we used the other 60%! |
(227 of 531) |
| Quote: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. |
(174 of 531) |
| Quote: I'd like to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him and leave. |
(38 of 531) |
| Quote: Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. |
(160 of 531) |
| Quote: Always borrow money from a pessimist: they don't expect to be paid back. |
(137 of 531) |
| Quote: What if this weren't a hypothetical question? |
(34 of 531) |
| Quote: The shortest distance between two points is under construction. |
(181 of 531) |
| Quote: This President is going to lead us out of this recovery. |
(159 of 531) |
| Quote: Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours. |
(267 of 531) |
| Quote: I found a great way to stop my dogs from barking. Peanut butter. They'll sit still for hours watching me eat a sandwich. |
(426 of 531) |
| Quote: I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay. |
(515 of 531) |
| Quote: I have an inferiority complex, it's just not a very good one. |
(64 of 531) |
| Quote: It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. |
(329 of 531) |
| Quote: Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. |
(14 of 531) |
| Quote: If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. |
(232 of 531) |
| Quote: "We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - The bell doens't work)" |
(262 of 531) |
| Quote: Life - it's nothing like the Brochure! |
(388 of 531) |
| Quote: I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving. |
(211 of 531) |
| Quote: Ask me how I tolerate stupid questions. |
(264 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time |
(386 of 531) |
| Quote: My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me. |
(92 of 531) |
| Quote: Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. |
(217 of 531) |
| Quote: In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated. |
(255 of 531) |
| Quote: If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. |
(290 of 531) |
| Quote: In life, do what you can. Don't can it on whatever you do. |
(524 of 531) |
| Quote: Health food makes me sick. |
(325 of 531) |
| Quote: I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. |
(65 of 531) |
| Quote: If loving someone is putting them in a strait jacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people. |
(428 of 531) |
| Quote: Time is God's way to keep everything from happening at once. |
(488 of 531) |
| Quote: I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy. |
(444 of 531) |
| Quote: The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. |
(301 of 531) |
| Quote: When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. |
(59 of 531) |
| Quote: Enter any 11-digit prime number to continu. (23545476817 for instance...) |
(526 of 531) |
| Quote: Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice |
(76 of 531) |
| Quote: Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. |
(465 of 531) |
| Quote: I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. |
(253 of 531) |
| Quote: Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. |
(162 of 531) |
| Quote: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. |
(464 of 531) |
| Quote: The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. |
(176 of 531) |
| Quote: Written at a bathroom door: Some people come here to sit and think. I came to shit and stink. |
(192 of 531) |
| Quote: I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. |
(103 of 531) |
| Quote: On your mark. Get set. Go away! |
(13 of 531) |
| Quote: How young can you die of old age? |
(251 of 531) |
| Quote: Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. |
(90 of 531) |
| Quote: Yesterday I decided to "think positive..." Then I thought "What the hell can I achieve with that?" |
(148 of 531) |
| Quote: Everyone is entitled to my opinion. |
(246 of 531) |
| Quote: His ignorance is encyclopedic. |
(185 of 531) |
| Quote: I want to not only have the world's longest uni-brow, but, like the Great Wall of China, I want it to be visible from space. |
(265 of 531) |
| Quote: Richard Wagner's music is better than it sounds. |
(492 of 531) |
| Quote: Luckily, I blocked her kick with my balls. |
(331 of 531) |
| Quote: The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep. |
(129 of 531) |
| Quote: Inside every fat woman is a thin lady screaming to get out - I can usually shut the bitch up with chocolate! |
(120 of 531) |
| Quote: I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. |
(25 of 531) |
| Quote: I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. |
(490 of 531) |
| Quote: Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. |
(11 of 531) |
| Quote: I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. |
(33 of 531) |
| Quote: The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. |
(156 of 531) |
| Quote: Boobs are like Little Tykes toys, fun to play with and they always end up in the mouth. |
(308 of 531) |
| Quote: Life isn't a garden - so stop being a hoe! |
(249 of 531) |
| Quote: Being rich is better than being poor, if only for financial reasons. |
(180 of 531) |
| Quote: Happy Birthday, you now have one year less to live. |
(151 of 531) |
| Quote: Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. |
(130 of 531) |
| Quote: Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one! |
(83 of 531) |
| Quote: A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. |
(327 of 531) |
| Quote: He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. |
(401 of 531) |
| Quote: I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. |
(63 of 531) |
| Quote: I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. |
(335 of 531) |
| Quote: You learn alot in your teenage years, for instance I learned that if you're ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a little tunnel, then onto a mini seesaw and then jump through a ring of fire, they've trained for that you see. |
(435 of 531) |
| Quote: How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. |
(86 of 531) |
| Quote: In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. |
(374 of 531) |
| Quote: I like to reminisce with people I don't know. |
(202 of 531) |
| Quote: I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. |
(171 of 531) |
| Quote: My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's OK! |
(379 of 531) |
| Quote: There are 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't. |
(70 of 531) |
| Quote: My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." |
(77 of 531) |
| Quote: I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. |
(235 of 531) |
| Quote: Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. |
(139 of 531) |
| Quote: Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible. |
(259 of 531) |
| Quote: "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. |
(529 of 531) |
| Quote: OK, so what's the speed of dark? |
(491 of 531) |
| Quote: They say we live in a free world, but we have to pay for goddamned everything! |
(430 of 531) |
| Quote: 100,000 sperms and you were the fastest? |
(397 of 531) |
| Quote: I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. |
(118 of 531) |
| Quote: If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark. |
(238 of 531) |
| Quote: Some say that the greatest musicians in the world were a little bit crazy, well then I must be excellent. |
(305 of 531) |
| Quote: When nothing is interesting, I take interest in nothing. |
(531 of 531) |
| Quote: Where ever you go, there you are. |
(287 of 531) |
| Quote: Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry. |
(9 of 531) |
| Quote: My favorite animal is steak. |
(452 of 531) |
| Quote: Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. |
(66 of 531) |
| Quote: It's better to be pissed off, than pissed on. |
(507 of 531) |
| Quote: I rang Dutch Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'. |
(161 of 531) |
| Quote: He who angers you, gets beat up! |
(514 of 531) |
| Quote: Yes, I have plenty of change, you homeless piece of shit. Thanks for asking. |
(432 of 531) |
| Quote: 82% of all statistics are made up on the spot. |
(169 of 531) |
| Quote: For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. |
(407 of 531) |
| Quote: Behind every woman there is an ill-fated man. |
(518 of 531) |
| Quote: If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. |
(23 of 531) |
| Quote: Well if God lives within all of us, like the bible states, I hope he likes Carlsberg, cause that's what he's getting! |
(448 of 531) |
| Quote: When I said 'death' before 'dishonor,' I meant alphabetically. |
(292 of 531) |
| Quote: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. |
(500 of 531) |
| Quote: Prediction is very difficult, especially if it's about the future. |
(208 of 531) |
| Quote: I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops. |
(519 of 531) |
| Quote: Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry! |
(324 of 531) |
| Quote: I may not know much, but I know the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad. |
(158 of 531) |
| Quote: It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it! |
(291 of 531) |
| Quote: Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing. |
(96 of 531) |
| Quote: Soon you will have a deja-vu. Soon you will have a deja-vu. |
(213 of 531) |
| Quote: Love me for the man I want to be. |
(113 of 531) |
| Quote: There are two types of people, those that divide people into two groups and those that don't. |
(194 of 531) |
| Quote: Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? |
(55 of 531) |
| Quote: The future isn't what it used to be. |
(239 of 531) |
| Quote: What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. |
(134 of 531) |
| Quote: Dying is natures way of saying "Hey, you're not alive anymore!" |
(203 of 531) |
| Quote: I never said I had no idea about most of the things you said I said I had no idea about. |
(101 of 531) |
| Quote: God is real, unless declared integer. |
(396 of 531) |
| Quote: The first time I saw her, something just clicked. Later I found out it was the camera in my bag. |
(37 of 531) |
| Quote: Everything I say is a lie... Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. |
(8 of 531) |
Quote | Pick-up line | You have a drinking problem when | Annoy people