Here you can find a list of all quotes, ordered by time of publication, starting with the newest quote.

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Most recently published (Ranking)
21. Quote:
Remember those cuts and bruises when you learn to ride that bicycle? Why didn't you stop until you can make it?
(530 of 531)
22. Quote:
I found a great way to stop my dogs from barking. Peanut butter. They'll sit still for hours watching me eat a sandwich.
(426 of 531)
23. Quote:
May you live every day of your life.
(415 of 531)
24. Quote:
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: yo
You: so
You: u know how to factor trinomials?
Stranger: fuck no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
(528 of 531)
25. You have a drinking problem when:
you get a public intoxication while celebrating "Flag Day"
(481 of 531)
26. Quote:
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
(529 of 531)
27. Annoy people:
Hire two private detectives to follow one another...
(387 of 531)
28. Quote:
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
(475 of 531)
29. Quote:
I hate hypothetical questions, maybe I am an over achiever but I always am dying to answer them.
(522 of 531)
30. Quote:
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
(253 of 531)
31. Quote:
Argument is to find out who is right,
discussion is to find out what is right.
(527 of 531)
32. Quote:
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
(463 of 531)
33. Quote:
Health food makes me sick.
(325 of 531)
34. Quote:
Never have more children than you have car windows.
(80 of 531)
35. Quote:
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
(307 of 531)
36. Quote:
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
(283 of 531)
37. Quote:
99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
(416 of 531)
38. Pick-up line:
If you were a screen door I'd slam you all night long!
(366 of 531)
39. Quote:
I got an ant farm... them fellas didn't grow shit!
(313 of 531)
40. Quote:
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.
(459 of 531)

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